Mood: Okay
Song of Choice:"Letters to God" by BoxCar Racer
Topic: What is love?

What is love? It’s a thought I have been wondering about most of the day. I mean some people think it’s an emotional adaptation to a physical need or desire. But really is that what the deal is. Perhaps according to another source it is simply a chemical reaction in your brain. You know what I think it is though…I think it’s something really different. I asked a friend of mine what he wanted in a girlfriend and his response is something I really didn’t expect from him. He said that all he really wanted was someone to hold him when he was sad, to understand him, to tell him everything was okay. To just not be alone anymore…When he told me that I started to cry because he’d just voiced something I’d never known how to. I think that’s what love is. I think love is this thing we are all looking for but don’t exactly know what it is.

It’s an end to…to loneliness…the death of solidarity…someone to share in your fight. I think from the day we are born we are alone…in some fashion or another. When our parents make us angry, when nothing goes our way, when your so full of pain, doubt, and you just don’t know who you are…I think that’s when we feel most alone. And I think that’s when we need love…someone to hold us and tell us it’ll get better…and to just be there and share in the hurt.

I reflected on my friends words for a long while. I mean I sincerely expected him to say that all he wanted was some girl to be his love slave but he genuinely didn’t want that. When I told him what I expected from him he responded that I had to keep in mind that he was a loner by nature and that he didn’t open up to anyone. He said I only saw what he wanted me to see only an illusion of who he was.

I thought about that too…I also thought about another boy I spoke with today. Or more accurately a conversation with the porno King.We were walking in the hallway and I told him my classes and he said Computers are the Devil. And we laughed a bit but then he got quiet and said he didn’t believe in God or the Devil. I looked at him and saw that he meant what he said…I didn’t ask him why…but I did ask him if he believed in Fate, Destiny, Preordained Future anything like that. And he said he didn’t. Then I asked him what he did believe in. He said he believed in himself…that he believed in the here, the now, and the then. Then he continued by saying that Yesterday never happened, Today is only a dream, and Tomorrow (I can’t remember but I’m going to ask him.

Then I said if only it were that simple. He answered it is. It’s so simple it’s complicated, so easy it’s hard—So beautiful it’s ugly I interrupted him. He looked at me and nodded then said exactly. With that we parted ways. Anyway it was an interesting day…